Today, the human breakfast was eaten, our cat was snoring on my bed with a paw round his nose, and after drying up a few kitchen utensils – the task of poppadom making (that had been on my list to try for a while) began, and I was following WikiHow instructions on my phone. Attempting to mince a garlic clove without a mincing implement – so using a knife and my hands – made my hands extremely smelly, and odd odours began emanating from the bowl as I poured the water in; then Soot the cat got up (voluntarily – with the aim of finding a sunny spot) while I had my hands stuck in some extremely gooey weird yellow coloured gloop. By 10.15am, when I’d got enough gloop off my hands to hold my pen again, there’d been some violent sneezing (and a bit of whimpering) from my mother using the computer upstairs, I thought I’d heard a cuckoo outside and was sat down hoping the dough would dry out enough to vaguely form into something .

I found an alternative method suggested online of pounding little lumps of dough with the end of a rolling pin – meaning by 11am, I’d done some of this pounding, had multiple little blobs of it and was gearing myself up for an attempt at deep frying. Soot was snoring with his eyes open, Mum went outside with a sunhat on, sat down and took her socks off, and I began.

At 12pm – I had 12 fried and blobby flat lumpy things (and hadn’t severely burnt myself), I’d been reminded that poppadoms are usually more like crisps and told we’d try these things (not quite unusual enough to add to my Accidental Recipe Notepad – which contains 11 inventions at the moment) for lunch, the kitchen was smelling strongly of garlic despite the window being open, and after a meowing outburst from the top of the stairs, Soot came and dashed in and out of the room.

Then he decided to go and sniff the cactus on the sitting room windowsill, and a pigeon was going floppy in the birdbath and seemed to be trying to sunbathe – remaining there until a blackbird wanting a drink nudged him or her out. I got going on my other baking task for the day of replenishing my supply of tiffin and dressed myself for a 10 minute dash up the road to Tescos for biscuits (an essential ingredient), and Mum was sat in the garden with a magazine covering her face (and Soot had gone limp) when I left.
While in Tescos, I saw Warburtons gluten free tiger bloomers – and lentil chips, 800g loaves of sliced bread (1 lot of which said ‘NO CRUSTS’ on them), tiny tubs of ‘playdoh’, a 3ft/90cm ‘3 Ring Pool’ (a tiny paddling pool), packs of 5 little Hot Wheels cars, little gun like things that said ‘Zuru X Shot – UP TO 80FT/24M’ on them (and seemed to come with 8 cartridges), lots of packets of Mini Cheddar ‘nibblies’, red and white balloons, Union Jack bunting, face paint kits, and ankle and knee high tights.
I was home again at 12.50pm – with 800g of custard creams, and Mum was ripping up lettuce for lunch, Soot was slightly awake, and I began violently crushing biscuits while she began hacking dried poppadom mixture off the kitchen counter with a fish slice and a lot of determination, and I eventually squished the tiffin mixture into its tin. Soot was following the sun around the sitting room (and at that point was in the porch); I sat down in my chair, he moved to the shaded end of the sofa, an egg was announced by Willow the chicken at 2.15pm, I turned my phone off and dressed myself for our afternoon exercise in warm temperatures, and he was completely limp and stretched out on the back of the sofa when we left at 2.44pm.

And I wrote another 2 pages that day…