I went to a woodcarving course in Buckinghamshire, and the seahorse I began carving there reminded me of the random visit we made on our return home via the M20 and M25:

My mother’s description of the motorway traffic we got bunged up in on our way was that to go 3 miles in 2 hours you might just as well go on a horse and cart, we ate a hot cross bun and small muffin that were on the shelf below the dashboard, I saw signs for a jousting tournament, for a Kent County show (at the County showground), and once on to the M20 – signs that the road was a smart motorway. I was told about the number of something we both forgot, then I was given the National Trust property handbook and told to find Chartwells in it, which I did, and then found it on the map, and passed a large man driving a Land Rover with a huge German Shepherd dog sat bolt upright in the seat next to him. We hit some traffic several minutes later, and saw the dog again – peering out of the back window of the vehicle, the queue seemed to be rubber banding (starting to move and then slowing down again), neither of us knew where we were, Mum stopped in a small lay-by sort of blob on the side of a roundabout, I saw 2 very old little Minis drive past, she decided to go to Royal Horticultural Society HQ at Wisley instead, and we found it at 11am, it was packed, very windy, and people were putting on walking boots in the car park.

We got out of the car, found the entrance and went inside, were given a map, told there are 240 acres and 4 glasshouses; and then we set off, and tried not to be blown over by the increasing wind. I began photographing things, noticed a group of people (presumably volunteers) – 1 of whom was lying on the ground with their head in a hole, I was told lots of the plants were rhododendrons and camellias, then there was a sculpture (in remembrance of someone), ducks were waddling round, the wind was very unpleasant and it was beginning to spit with rain, so we found a café and sat down with peppermint tea and a large biscuit (3 inches in diameter) to share. There were babies and toddlers everywhere, Mum was peering at the map – and a place on it was called the Viewing Mount, we talked about how the variety in food has been changing, and then we got up again.

It was still extremely windy outside; there was a duck who appeared to want to pose for some photos….

I somehow got a leaf stuck in my hair, and we walked into the Bicentenary Glasshouse, where the British Iris Society had a table.

There was a diagram of how the glasshouse works – with blinds, ventilation, misters, sensors and several other things I forgot, a spear lily was explained by a sign, as were pheromone traps and integrated pest control…

…then we went into a very hot and sticky glasshouse with a waterfall visible from both sides due to a hole in the rock…

…a very colourful red and yellow plant that Mum thought looked like a parrot…

…big bamboo stalks; while passing a window a swan on the pond outside was pointed out to me, and after some more strolling round we emerged into the rather cold and windy outside world at 12.50pm.

I spotted a woman with a bobbly hat on, lots of heather plants and irrigation pipes and trees; Mum wanted some lunch and we ended up in the tiny Stonehouse café (with 7 tables) at 1 end of the gardens. A Greek staff member (small, male, early 50’s – he told the woman his nationality) there was telling a woman (early 70’s) about a restaurant being built on the site at the entrance, and several millions have been spent on it, we continued munching, then got up at 1.45pm, I saw another woman with a bobbly hat on; and outside again it was still unpleasantly windy, I thought – while passing it – that a Cedrus Atlantica plant (about 4ft tall and 10ft wide) is 1 our chickens would enjoy perching on, the food hall looked packed, a 3 (ish) year old boy in a waterproof, woolly hat and wellies didn’t look very willing to go in, and we continued our walk while it began spitting with rain. Up at the top of the hill were 3 very big metal dandelions (blowing around a lot) called ‘Dandelion Fantasy’, we came down and passed the building site of the Centre For Horticultural Science and Learning, saw a brother and sister climbing a tree, went up to a viewing mount – with lavender and rosemary growing up through a biodegradable fabric, the wind got stronger and rain began at 2.35pm – but was only a few spots.

There was a ginormous tree called Catalpa Bignonioides (from America) and Mum decided that she wanted some tea while walking through an uncovered tunnel like structure – so we, upon returning to the car park, stopped for a little bit of cake, and once sat down and eating it, Mum started quietly raving about the deliciousness of the carrot cake on her plate, a woman sat nearby was dunking a piece of chocolate in her cardboard mug, a very floppy dog was in the queue and a toddler was making very interesting expressions from his highchair. The café was getting rather packed, so we decided to get up and vacate the table, outside – saw a boy (4 years old ish) trying to stop his father walking along, my hair was all over the place, we returned to the car – which had 8678 miles on its mileometer, and set off again at 3.25pm.