It was 17°C with 58km/h gusts at 10.20am when the car moved, I had my wrist support on and I was trying to write while on the least bumpy bits of these country roads – one of which had a bloke on a motorbike wearing a pair of jogging bottoms that had mostly fallen off his buttocks, warehouses of world leading floors and of artificial grass were among those on an industrial estate, the cars left wing mirror disintegrated, and I forgot when we got to Coombe Abbey because my camera started confusing me, I irritated myself, D helped me – and then the whole group of us set off down a path.

N had someone with her, and I chatted to her, J and D before reaching a ‘Go Ape’ area – which had a really long zip wire going across it, J mentioned health and safety rules at the school he teaches at; then Love Actually and a couple more things I forgot came up, X said a bit, and we reached a bird hide just before 12pm. Re-growing teeth was being talked about when we reached a bit of the lake with cygnets on…

…and X had been making elderflower wine; Mum was chatting to V when we came back to where we started, and ducks and geese were everywhere, a pigeon wanted to pose, and tiny boy on a tiny bike was wearing a jumper that said ‘Fat Willy’ on it, and a tiny little Bulldog was walking around and grinning a lot.

We returned to the visitors centre; and then we sat down, it felt freezing, and J (due to Mum saying she wanted to do drumming) showed us a quick video of him with boomwhackers (which Wikipedia calls ‘a percussion instrument in the plosive aerophone and idiophone family‘).

Umbrellas were advertising Rowntrees, and Pawsome Pets was advertising nail cutting; Top Gear was talked about, a child on a tiny yellow unicycle with a very long handle was spotted, Claridges afternoon tea was mentioned, biscuits were being shoved at me by Mum, and the umbrella collapsed.

She wondered about bringing Uncle here, Coombe Abbey Hotel’s menu got looked up by J – it had ‘potted mandarin and biscott crumb’ on it (and then he realised the ‘cheesecake’ on the line below was included), Mum recommended the artwork at Compton Verney and Upton House, D’s electric wheelchair made reversing noises (and Johnny English shooting down The Mall on a mobility scooter was remembered); we moved again, Top Gear and Clarksons Farm were talked about with J; and then I spotted someone with ‘Mould Danger’ on the back of his shirt, and something I forgot was mentioned – and I forgot because we reached a river sort of area of water and I got distracted.

Geese were everywhere, I noticed little gravestones under a massive tree, and massive trees were everywhere as well. A place selling ice cream was reached, it was decided what route we’d take next, a dog that sounded like he or she was on helium was yapping, a man had tattoos all over his head, and some very floppy Bassett Hounds were running along the path; I chatted to J about felting, she showed me pictures of her Schnauzer and horse; there were a couple of goslings on the river; and then I chatted to X. Sun was coming out, it felt warmer, and by then J had given Mum the idea of boomwhackers (which Wikipedia describes as ‘a percussion instrument in the plosive aerophone and idiophone family. They are lightweight, hollow, color-coded, plastic tubes, tuned to a musical pitch by length’) ; and N’s friend F chatted to me before we reached the car park again.

The trip home included a stop at the pet shop – with monkey nuts, mealworm and insect coconuts, seed and mealworm suet cookies, charcoal bonio, ferret harnesses, hairy wild boar trotters, braided beef gullet, buffalo horns, and dog cologne amongst its stock; and in the store across the road were ‘large novelty succulents’ (plants in colourful pots), Quorn picnic eggs, Fizzy Fish jellies, six different types of mayonnaise, and things called yum yums were on the shelf with doughnuts, Wiggles The Caterpillar cake, Dutch stroopwafels, and thirty different types of crisps.

I forgot when we got home, a letter for number 25 on a different road was in the post box, the shortbread dough was rock solid in the fridge, Soot the cat was in the middle of the sofa but got moving and I gave him a bowl top up, a bit of some purchased cheese was sampled, and then Mum went horizontal and snoring began. I sat down and was sat on; the human re-awoke and told me that snoring in German is ‘schnarchen’ (and then she lost consciousness again), and he found a sunny spot in the porch (the Met Office said it was 24°C outside) and I decided to roll out the biscuit dough while I was thinking about it.

She regained – and maintained this time – consciousness and started speaking German to her tablet, I went the wrong way down the Lane (as I couldn’t remember which way 25 was), came back up, and stuck it in the right letter box; and when I returned the kettle had boiled, I sat down with a slightly gooey tiffin chunk, got immobilised and purring started up again; and at 4.50pm, Willow the chicken announced an egg (as she always does – due to feeling very proud of herself) (and didn’t have to squawk for long as Mum went straight out and thanked her).