I’d been awake a bit early – and forgot exactly when I got moving (it felt chilly outside of my bed); blue tits were fluttering around while breakfast was consumed; I packed my bag for the day and wrote down what I had in it, tried to tidy my hair up, and was briefly called downstairs when a squirrel was spotted burying a nut in a patio flower pot.

After some time sat down with my mug I had to get a grip and grab my bag; and 9°C with 37km/h gusts was what the Met Office app said conditions were outside at 11.20am: Mum had hand sanitizer in her lunchbox, the car moved, and the Google Maps lady began giving instructions.

It was a long drive – and I was doing my observations from the car window (which included a sign on a lamppost mentioning a glow worm festival); at 1.15pm we entered Clumber Park and went up a 1.5 mile driveway that I was told had 1296 Lime trees round it (and the Google Maps lady said we had arrived).

A quite hairy man with a sock hat and name badge on gave us a map, told us where to park, and we went up a lane to the car park, eventually parked (after one u-turn due to going too far up the lane) at 1.25pm, the car thought we’d done 93 miles, and Mum started eating cheese. I munched the apple I had in my bag; and at 1.45pm, the car was gotten out of: the Stableyard Scoop had some unusual ice cream flavours (including ‘biscoff’ and ‘birthday cake’), a massive chess and draught set was to one side of the driveway, there were lots of geese visible by what Google Maps said was Clumber Lake, and then I forgot what I saw while following a couple of signboards to this event.

A bloke in uniform seemed to recognise us, scones were on offer (and were being consumed), I didn’t eat one, and then at 2.07pm someone who said he was the manager of a portfolio I forgot the name of started talking: 1707 was when Clumber Park was enclosed as a hunting ground, they’ve been the most visited of National Trust properties for the last 4 years; a man with very very thick eyebrows and a lady who looked like a corpse came in, the manager man said it was £5 million to reroof the property; and a woman wearing something I forgot did something I forgot because we were led outside.

I got distracted by cygnets by a big pond/small lake that I’d forgotten if I’d seen earlier – and while being led over to a church, the manager man asked if I was doing a project, so I explained myself and got out my info card. A lady/guide person said the place was a cathedral in miniature, pointed out 7 things (1 for each of the seven deadly sins), said someone signed a window with wheat sheaves; and someone on a window had the head of the devil between his legs. The Lady’s Chapel led to somewhere with a white altar and a big stained glass window (that had a falcon – amidst other figures – on), and the lady/guide person said something about fossilised sea creatures, that the organ has got about 1200 pipes, and the place was built in 1889. I spotted some substances on a small table by the altar; and the manager man led us up some stairs to the organ loft.

Back down those stairs, a route called ‘the chapel walk’ led to the walled kitchen garden, where there were eighty thousand spring flower bulbs, a board said stuff about rhubarb growing, a staff lady had purple pyjama like trousers and yellow glasses on, a husky like dog was being walked by 2 blokes (one of whom had a big husky head on the back of his hoodie); and by a glass structure that may’ve been a glasshouse or a conservatory (I forgot which one) were purple puffy flowers I thought I’d seen somewhere before, and the manager man said it costs £1.3 million to replace the glass every 4 years. Ground elder was all over the ground either side of the pear walk, he said stuff about an apprentice who made the gate at the end of the walk – which had pink and white flowers everywhere (Google said they were Red Campion); and at the top of it was the head gardeners cottage that said AD1892 on it. Someone called D pointed out that it didn’t have a front door, cycle hire was mentioned; then a 451 foot long glasshouse was entered – with an apple store in it, a Gardeners Mess Room half way down, and big pipes were visible below some metal grating (and someone said there was a 7 foot tall elf on the shelf for Christmas last year, and Peter Rabbit was coming for Easter).

We came back out, Mum told me we were retracing our steps down the cedar walk, and the stableyard, and into the parsonage; a photo of a tawny owl was shown to us, and the noises made by bats were talked about with D; and then I forgot if anything else occurred before I spotted several rabbits on the back lawn (who didn’t want to be photographed). Tea and coffee were on tables out there, manager man said stuff about costs of upkeep and maintenance (and that it’s £14000 per month to insure the building); Mum asked if they had a window cleaner, he described a bat nursery (and that the chapel is full of bats), that Clumber Spaniels were first bred here, nothing on the estate can be sold (so properties have to be let), and said a couple more things I forgot before feedback forms were handed out (and I forgot which of the blokes it was who said we could take the little jars of flowers on the tables home).

People began departing, it was mentioned staff get life membership after 15 years; and then we said goodbye and returned to the car, where the map was peered at, and when more movement occurred it was 4.58pm, and the car thought it was 10°C. Some ducks were on what looked like a cricket pitch; and going down a lane led to Hardwick Hall foot bridge, where the road was mostly submerged.

I got out and photographed ducks there (males were getting agitated by each other), and then a u-turn was done; we passed lots of pigs in several fields, a massive one of solar panels, Spion Kop was a village, and roads were horrendously bumpy; the River Erewash was crossed and Derbyshire was entered; I saw a mobile MRI scanner, Mum did some drink driving (just to clarify – it was water she was drinking), I saw a field of recently shaved llamas or alpacas, the county of Warwickshire was re-entered at 7pm, and home was reached 23 minutes later.